If it were up to me, Soccer Moms would be sealed up in their wheel clamped SUV’s and only allowed out to bake Mac n’ Cheese and do the laundry (I’m a reasonable man.)A woman in an SUV is the human equivalent of a poodle in a Howitzer tank. It’s against nature. I let the whole ‘women having a vote’ thing pass, but I will maintain until my dying day at the hands of enraged lesbians (all the women who hate me are lesbians), that women should never have been allowed the right to drive.
Not that I need to defend my beliefs, because Roger is always right, but here are five watertight reasons to ban woman drivers immediately:
- Women are always stopping to ask for directions. Any true driver knows that the earth is round, so if you just keep driving, you’ll get to your destination eventually. All that yapping makes Roger’s head hurt.
- Most women will refuse to speed up to 90 MPH on a blind corner to pass a convoy of trucks, instead just waiting patiently behind them until their turn off comes. Precious minutes are lost this way. Roger knows that in this life, every second counts, and he isn’t about to waste a single one of them.
- The rear view mirror is not a make up mirror. It’s to be used exclusively for checking for cops and backing out of long windy drives at full speed without looking over your shoulder. Women do not understand this.
- Mrs Rager manages to do a fine job of driving from the back seat, making it entirely unnecessary for her to drive herself. I really appreciate her constant harping comments about staying away from the pot holes, passing various cars and “not getting us all killed for God’s sakes”.
Roger’s Random Motor Tip: A duct tape gag is an essential for a quiet journey. - In the event of an emergency, women inevitably panic, screaming “Oh my God” over and over and over again, instead of taking the appropriate action of pouring sulphuric acid all over the road to remove any DNA evidence and proceeding directly to the nearest respray shop.
